Free at Last?

“His last words were my name.”

“He had called out to me and I had not answered.”

I did not weep, it pained me that I could not weep.”

“And deep inside me, if I could have searched the recesses of my feeble conscience, I might have found something like: Free at last!…”

Being a son helped me easily relate to this scene in Elie Wiesel’s “Night”. It wasn’t until after this scene that I changed my views on a certain person that is extremely close to me.  My father and I have some sort of a love hate relationship. There were times where I could no longer stand my father, and he could no longer stand me. Maybe it’s because I don’t live up to his expectations and I always fail and disappoint him. It got to the point where I no longer cared for him and if he died I wouldn’t feel any sadness. I would’ve felt like a heavy burden has suddenly been lifted off my shoulders and have a feeling of freedom. However, it got to the point where it was so bad that because of me, my father cried. A man like my father never cries. I have never ever seen him cry. He didn’t even cry at the death of his brother. Well, maybe a single tear when he heard the news. But that was about it. When he cried I felt a little sadness but my hate and anger at him has yet to cease. It wasn’t until I read this scene in the book where I started feeling sadness for my father. Eliezer and his father were so close to the end, they almost made it. If one of them hadn’t given up they both could have been freed. When his father died my reaction was, “Wow, what if my father left me…” I can’t imagine my life without him. No matter how much I can’t stand him, it just didn’t feel right if my father was all of a sudden gone. My father and I have been through so much together. Our love hate relationship and our fights, but yet we are still pretty close. I don’t want my life to turn out like Elie Wiesel and his father. I want to make it to the end with my dad. I’m almost out of high school now. Soon I’ll graduate and I will move on with my life. Still, I will probably look to my father for advice.  Now I know that whatever my father does it’s all for me. Everything he does, all of his sacrifices are just so that I can have a better life than him. That’s exactly what he told me. Almost all the time this is what he says to me, “Ethan just try to work harder, so you can have a more successful life than mine.” Now I know. After reading this scene I just can’t imagine where I would be without my father. I probably would have gone down the drain. Now I no longer feel hatred for him, even though there are times that he still annoys me or irks me, I know that he’s doing it just for me. He annoys me because he cares. I guess I need my father to burden me, if he doesn’t, then who knows where I would be. So I don’t really want my freedom yet. This is a burden that I am now willing to carry.

-Ethan

 when your father helps…

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